The Horrifying Case Of The Disappearing Books

Mr. Pewter led them through to a library, filled with thousands of antiquarian books.

"Impressive, eh?"

"Very," said Jack. "How did you amass all these?"

"Well," said Pewter, "you know the person who always borrows books and never gives them back?"

"Yes...?"

"I'm that person."

~From Jasper Fforde's The Big Over Easy

Uh, yeah. Do you have someone like this in your life? Do you have more than one someone like this in your life?

See, I own hundreds of books. And because I own so many, and because I like when people read, I am always loaning these books out.

And somehow, these books always disappear!

I know, I could keep a list of "who has what books." But, whatever - I always forget to write these things down. And anytime I do write them down, the list seems to go missing. (Conspiracy? Maybe. Probably not. But...)

In fact, right now, I can think of three different people who have at least four books of mine in their possession. Yeah. I'll never get them back.

There are a number of books that I appreciate so much, I purchased two copies - a "to loan" copy and a "for me" copy. These are some of those books: Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises and A Farewell to Arms. Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men and Cannery Row. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye. Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five. Tartt's The Secret History. Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Several of the Harry Potter books.

And...you know what? The only ones of these I still own two copies of is A Farewell to Arms, Slaughterhouse-Five, and The Secret History. Maybe one Harry Potter.

I mean...geez! Who are these people! Who borrows all these books and never, ever returns them! Who on earth could be so insensitive and discourteous and...and...

Oh, crap. I just looked through my books...

Where did some of these come from? Who did I borrow this book from? And this book? And...oh, yeah - I remember where this book came from. I wonder if she'll remember that I have it. Hmmm.

So, this is how it works, huh? Well. Oh well.

My books might as well keep circulating, I guess. As long as people are reading.

That's what I'll tell my books from now on when I loan them. "Go forth, dear book. Go forth and circulate. Go forth and be read!"

By the way, if I borrowed a book from you, um...I swear I already returned it.

Other Places Where I Hang Out:

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(A Delicious Little Pre-Publication Sample Of The Great Lenore)