Yeah, so...I had been up all night working. I took a break from work to make some coffee and rest my mind for a minute. And then I had the urge to hop on Craigslist and post a totally worthless ad.
Did I say worthless? Um...let me try that again.
I had the urge to post the most awesome ad ever, purely for my own entertainment.
And now, the ad is for your entertainment as well.
Below is the original ad. Below that, I plan to post any stellar reactions I get from the ad today. Check back to see what sorts of responses we get. Yup, this could make for an entertaining day for us all.
Original ad:
Seeking Writer To Time Travel With Me
[Location: Secret, For Now]
I am looking for someone who wants to time travel with me and document what we find.
We will be traveling into the future (none of that "going into the past" bs - I mean, who the heck wants to go into the past; geesh!), and hopefully we will find something wicked cool that we can bring back with us or something. You know...something that we could, like, sell.
What I will be looking for in a candidate: Someone who is smart, adventurous, cool to be around, and (of course) a wizard with the ol' pen and pad. I want everything captured. This is something we can make some serious cash off of if it's written just right, and I don't want to hire the wrong freaking person and end up with a situation like I had last time (don't even ask).
I have only done this once before, but I think I have the logistics pretty much down. It's all relatively safe, and it's pretty much legal.
Please only respond if you're serious about being awesome.
Let's be awesome together.
There is the original ad. We'll see what people say...
Fun Response #1
Dear Sir/Madam,
Per your posting on Craig's List, I am submitting my resume along with links to my online work for your consideration.
I thrive on team work, tight deadlines and demanding subject matter. As a dedicated writer, my focus is on scripting cool content for various mediums.
My links:
(Followed by his links, and some further blah blah blah. He looks forward to hearing from me soon.)
I mean...really? Time travel? Dude, this might go beyond "demanding subject matter."
Maybe he didn't pay close attention to the ad. Yeah, that's the kind of person I want to hire for my time traveling adventure! Geesh...
Fun Response #2
My name is (omitted) and I am up for a little time travel. I have a camera, a pen and pad and enjoy adventure. Tell me more about your plan.
Now this guy, I would hire.
Fun Response #3
Yes! This one is perfect...
WTF r U up to? Tell u what, you come to my secret place about midnite, on Bklyn waterfront ... when I tell U to...we'll talk
Fun Response #4
Hello,
Please take a look at the links which host my work and
accomplishments. Let me know if you need anything else and thank you
for your time!
Um...maybe she meant "thank you for your time travel!"
Fun Response #5
This one makes me happy:
for now. i want to know your secret.
Fun Response #6
i want to play.
From someone whose email address includes the words "save the world." Perfect candidate? Yeah, I think so!
Fun Response #7
Clearly, this next guy did not get the point. He changed the subject line to "Screenwriter," and he led off with this:
I saw your ad for a script writer, and I think that my sensibility would connect with that of what you need.
He went on to list all of his credentials, and he said he was attaching a sample script for me to look at. There was no sample script attached. Maybe I have to go into the future to get it?
Fun Response #8
Pretty dang funny ad. I am definitely in a position to respond (death wish
or not - I'm not sure).
Anyhow I'm interested. A professional writer even. Cool and funny.
Promise.
I think I'm going to hire this guy - anyone who is ready to follow time travel to the death is all right in my book. (Plus, the article has been flagged for removal for the second time...some people just don't appreciate fake job postings, I guess.)
Thanks for following along today, Dear Reader.
I'm off...to the future.
~J
Play nice and share with others
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Weekend Writing Discussion: What You Read Before You Write
There will be two posts today. There is this one (which...hopefully this helps us get the whole "Weekend Writing Discussion" idea going), and there is this one, which should be pretty awesome: Thoughts On How To Have Fun With Time Travel.
This weekend's Writing Discussion: What do you read before you write?
Of course, this does not have to be strictly confined to "what you read before you write," but can instead encompass the general idea of what we read that impacts the way we write.
I ask this because I have found that there are a number of writers I cannot read at any time proximal to my writing time. Writers like Bret Easton Ellis or Jack Kerouac or Dave Eggers - brilliant (or, in the case of Eggers, borderline-brilliant) writers whose styles are significantly different from my style. When I read writers like this, my immediate inclination (following the reaction of "Geesh, I wish I could write like them") is to try to write like them.
Now, the reaction is not "I wish I could write as well as them." That's the reaction I feel when I read someone like Steinbeck or Hemingway, and this is a great reaction to have - when you find someone to whom you have a similar style, and you read them and it drives you to write as well as them. It's these writers who write in a style completely different from your own...and who are so good at it that you want to write just like that! These are the ones I have to avoid when I'm working on a project.
How about you? Who do you like to read when you're working on a project? Who do you have to avoid?
Thoughts thoughts thoughts!
(P.S.1. Be sure to share this with others, so we can get this discussion going.)
(P.S.2. Be sure to check out today's other post, as it will likely provide you with entertainment.)
Play nice and share with others
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This weekend's Writing Discussion: What do you read before you write?
Of course, this does not have to be strictly confined to "what you read before you write," but can instead encompass the general idea of what we read that impacts the way we write.
I ask this because I have found that there are a number of writers I cannot read at any time proximal to my writing time. Writers like Bret Easton Ellis or Jack Kerouac or Dave Eggers - brilliant (or, in the case of Eggers, borderline-brilliant) writers whose styles are significantly different from my style. When I read writers like this, my immediate inclination (following the reaction of "Geesh, I wish I could write like them") is to try to write like them.
Now, the reaction is not "I wish I could write as well as them." That's the reaction I feel when I read someone like Steinbeck or Hemingway, and this is a great reaction to have - when you find someone to whom you have a similar style, and you read them and it drives you to write as well as them. It's these writers who write in a style completely different from your own...and who are so good at it that you want to write just like that! These are the ones I have to avoid when I'm working on a project.
How about you? Who do you like to read when you're working on a project? Who do you have to avoid?
Thoughts thoughts thoughts!
(P.S.1. Be sure to share this with others, so we can get this discussion going.)
(P.S.2. Be sure to check out today's other post, as it will likely provide you with entertainment.)
Play nice and share with others
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If Kanye West Comes Out With A Novel...
If Kanye West publishes a novel, what do you do? Do you buy it?
Of course you do!
Let me explain...
As a freelance writer & editor, I run into a lot odd, often humorous, sometimes mentally deficient people.
A couple weeks ago, a guy wanted to hire me to ghostwrite a novel for him...and he refused to pay me any money up front. When I tried to explain to him how ghostwriting works (you know...like the fact that his potential for profit was uncapped, whereas I made nothing but what he paid me to write the novel...or like the fact that ghostwriters are always paid at least half up front), he responded with something like this: "u might postulat thet ther is a standard way to do this but the truth is that there are no right way to do somethin i have infinate time to find someone else htank u 4 ur time goodby."
At this point, I realized that ghostwriting for regular people is a waste of time. In fact, regular people might even be a waste of time. Ghostwriting for celebrities is the only way to go.
I'm not sure why I never thought of that before.
If Kanye West comes out with a novel soon, you should pick up a copy. I was probably the one who wrote it.
Play nice and share with others
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Of course you do!
Let me explain...
As a freelance writer & editor, I run into a lot odd, often humorous, sometimes mentally deficient people.
A couple weeks ago, a guy wanted to hire me to ghostwrite a novel for him...and he refused to pay me any money up front. When I tried to explain to him how ghostwriting works (you know...like the fact that his potential for profit was uncapped, whereas I made nothing but what he paid me to write the novel...or like the fact that ghostwriters are always paid at least half up front), he responded with something like this: "u might postulat thet ther is a standard way to do this but the truth is that there are no right way to do somethin i have infinate time to find someone else htank u 4 ur time goodby."
At this point, I realized that ghostwriting for regular people is a waste of time. In fact, regular people might even be a waste of time. Ghostwriting for celebrities is the only way to go.
I'm not sure why I never thought of that before.
If Kanye West comes out with a novel soon, you should pick up a copy. I was probably the one who wrote it.
Play nice and share with others
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Thoughts On Perseverance (For Artists Of All Shapes And Sizes)
Around the time when I was in high-school and college, there were two really popular bands in Tulsa. One band was Midwest Kings, who are now known for having been the home of David Cook. The other band (the more popular of the two) was called The Hero Factor.
Most of my friends preferred The Hero Factor (uh...I should say "were obsessed with The Hero Factor"), and of course - being the way I am - I decided on general principle to not like them. I had never actually heard their music before, but hey, they were unanimously adored; that was enough to make me stay away.
About three years ago, The Hero Factor split up...and I listened to their music at last. Uh...yeah. "Impressed" would be a gross understatement. I finally understood what all the fuss had been about.
Seriously, The Hero Factor was an awesome band. I mean, they sounded like professionals - like what you would hear in concert in an arena. And yet, they had gone unsigned, they had split up, and their ever-popular lead singer Ben Kilgore was back to square one.
And that's only half the story...
(Now, if the next part of this story contains any inaccuracies, I ask for forgiveness from those of you in the know. I was told this story by an ex-girlfriend of Ben's/old friend of mine, and while the big picture of this story is verified, I might have a couple details wrong. Disclaimer accomplished. Continuing on...)
About four years ago, when The Hero Factor was still together, Kilgore had a meeting with some of the bigwigs at Sony Records. Sony offered him a record deal...but they told him that he had to lose the band. The band "wasn't marketable," they "didn't have the right image," and blah blah blah. Kilgore did the noble thing, and he told Sony that he would only take the record deal if they would take the band. Sony, of course, did the music-business thing and took the deal off the table. About six months later, the band split up, and everyone said that Kilgore was an idiot.
Yesterday morning, I was at my church (where Kilgore and his wife lead the music portion of the service), and I was thinking about how tough that would be, to make it so close to that level all artists strive to reach...only to have "missed out" and ended up languishing in a forever-world of *almost*.
A couple minutes after I was thinking this, the service started. Our pastor called Ben and his wife up front for an announcement...and Ben announced that he has been offered a record deal by Interscope.
This is three or four years after his last brush with the top. Three or four years (especially in the music industry) can be an eternity. Three or four years can be enough time to give up, to stop fighting, to stop persevering.
For all of you artists - for all of you writers, painters, musicians, actors, directors, everything - who have ever felt like giving up, remember: You're never guaranteed that something will happen if you keep persevering, but you are guaranteed that nothing will happen if you give up.
You might be in your "eternity" of waiting right now. If you are, keep in mind this example set by Ben Kilgore. Keep on pressing!
Happy Monday, people.
(Happy writing, writers.)
~J
Play nice and share with others
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Most of my friends preferred The Hero Factor (uh...I should say "were obsessed with The Hero Factor"), and of course - being the way I am - I decided on general principle to not like them. I had never actually heard their music before, but hey, they were unanimously adored; that was enough to make me stay away.
About three years ago, The Hero Factor split up...and I listened to their music at last. Uh...yeah. "Impressed" would be a gross understatement. I finally understood what all the fuss had been about.
Seriously, The Hero Factor was an awesome band. I mean, they sounded like professionals - like what you would hear in concert in an arena. And yet, they had gone unsigned, they had split up, and their ever-popular lead singer Ben Kilgore was back to square one.
And that's only half the story...
(Now, if the next part of this story contains any inaccuracies, I ask for forgiveness from those of you in the know. I was told this story by an ex-girlfriend of Ben's/old friend of mine, and while the big picture of this story is verified, I might have a couple details wrong. Disclaimer accomplished. Continuing on...)
About four years ago, when The Hero Factor was still together, Kilgore had a meeting with some of the bigwigs at Sony Records. Sony offered him a record deal...but they told him that he had to lose the band. The band "wasn't marketable," they "didn't have the right image," and blah blah blah. Kilgore did the noble thing, and he told Sony that he would only take the record deal if they would take the band. Sony, of course, did the music-business thing and took the deal off the table. About six months later, the band split up, and everyone said that Kilgore was an idiot.
Yesterday morning, I was at my church (where Kilgore and his wife lead the music portion of the service), and I was thinking about how tough that would be, to make it so close to that level all artists strive to reach...only to have "missed out" and ended up languishing in a forever-world of *almost*.
A couple minutes after I was thinking this, the service started. Our pastor called Ben and his wife up front for an announcement...and Ben announced that he has been offered a record deal by Interscope.
This is three or four years after his last brush with the top. Three or four years (especially in the music industry) can be an eternity. Three or four years can be enough time to give up, to stop fighting, to stop persevering.
For all of you artists - for all of you writers, painters, musicians, actors, directors, everything - who have ever felt like giving up, remember: You're never guaranteed that something will happen if you keep persevering, but you are guaranteed that nothing will happen if you give up.
You might be in your "eternity" of waiting right now. If you are, keep in mind this example set by Ben Kilgore. Keep on pressing!
Happy Monday, people.
(Happy writing, writers.)
~J
Play nice and share with others
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Thoughts On People With Their Panties All In A Bunch
Wow! Wow, wow, wow.
I was already having a great day today - a lot of inexplicable smiling. A soaringly good mood. But boy-oh-boy, this gem right here just put me over the top.
Earlier today, I responded to a rather vague ad for a freelance writing job, requesting more information.
Here follows the response from the client, my short, informative, courteous response to them...and their reaction. Awesomeness ensues:
Email from potential client:
Attached is the documents that need to filled out to talk about this information in further detail. Please review documents and scan and send back via mail. Below is the project that needs immediate attention. hope to hear from you soon .
Editing and Creating 80 pages of documentation (includes creating the grant proposal and letters of intent ) Researching the information to create the grant proposals and letters of intent
other documents are created and needed edited and or balanced to fit setting
yes you will be starting from scratch in regards to the grant proposals (2 grant proposals). In addition to , 4 other documents that need edited and possible reworded if needed . All work should equal 80 pages including the grant proposals.
Budget for project is $200.00
Here was my mostly-harmless response:
I wonder whether you realize that this is a solid 80 to 90 hours of work.
Anyhow, best of luck with all.
~JM
Here was their rejoinder:
Your response is very unprofessional. If I had the money to pay you what you needed I would not choose you for the job die to your unprofessionalism. Again as I stated Serious responses Only . Your response was an intentional harassing statement the will be filed with the police in my state and yours. You will received the info in the mail. If you want to contribute money to this economy and my business so I can afford to pay more , make that payment at your local police department. Thanks
Ahhh, the world is a beautiful place.
I look forward to the subpoena!
Smiles all around.
Play nice and share with others
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I was already having a great day today - a lot of inexplicable smiling. A soaringly good mood. But boy-oh-boy, this gem right here just put me over the top.
Earlier today, I responded to a rather vague ad for a freelance writing job, requesting more information.
Here follows the response from the client, my short, informative, courteous response to them...and their reaction. Awesomeness ensues:
Email from potential client:
Attached is the documents that need to filled out to talk about this information in further detail. Please review documents and scan and send back via mail. Below is the project that needs immediate attention. hope to hear from you soon .
Editing and Creating 80 pages of documentation (includes creating the grant proposal and letters of intent ) Researching the information to create the grant proposals and letters of intent
other documents are created and needed edited and or balanced to fit setting
yes you will be starting from scratch in regards to the grant proposals (2 grant proposals). In addition to , 4 other documents that need edited and possible reworded if needed . All work should equal 80 pages including the grant proposals.
Budget for project is $200.00
Here was my mostly-harmless response:
I wonder whether you realize that this is a solid 80 to 90 hours of work.
Anyhow, best of luck with all.
~JM
Here was their rejoinder:
Your response is very unprofessional. If I had the money to pay you what you needed I would not choose you for the job die to your unprofessionalism. Again as I stated Serious responses Only . Your response was an intentional harassing statement the will be filed with the police in my state and yours. You will received the info in the mail. If you want to contribute money to this economy and my business so I can afford to pay more , make that payment at your local police department. Thanks
Ahhh, the world is a beautiful place.
I look forward to the subpoena!
Smiles all around.
Play nice and share with others
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Thoughts On Building And Losing A Readership
As some of you know, we revisited the Community Storytelling Experiment a couple weeks ago. Um...as it turned out, our second venture into the pool of shared creativity yielded less-than-thrilling results.
At first, I had a few theories as to why this second attempt at community storytelling came out of the womb with, shall we say, so little hair on it, and most of these theories (some of them originated within my own mind, and others of them proposed by fellow storytellers) centered around the story we had chosen to write...and around the inability of contributors to follow the prescribed path for the story. But then, I realized something else...
Ahhh, isn't self-realization (self-criticism?) grand.
I realized that I have lost much of my readership. No, not because I've been mean to anyone. Not because I've done anything blatantly wrong or stupid (well, okay, maybe stupid). But mostly, just because I disappeared.
You see, yesterday I posted a post about Writing What Drives You. When I wrote the post, I thought, "Hey, this is good stuff. This might really help someone." You know what? - maybe it will help someone. But first...well, someone has to read it!
A few months ago, when I was posting on Twitter several times a day and was writing three to four blog entries a week, people paid attention. If I posted a link on Twitter, directing readers to a blog post, I could expect a minimum of 100 hits in the next couple hours.
Yesterday, when I posted the link to this "blog post that might help someone," I had about 20 hits.
The crazy thing? - my following on Twitter has not dwindled in number. However, they have dwindled in cumulative interest.
This (thankfully - geesh!) leads me to my point.
Writers, you hear all the time how important it is for you to build an online presence, for you to gain a readership, for you to interact and teach and learn and grow. What you don't hear is this: When you build a readership, you have to keep it. Readers get in the habit of paying attention to certain people. For the people receiving this attention, the attention is a privilege. It is not a right! If you allow your readers to break their habit of paying attention to you, you have no one to blame but yourself when you realize they've begun to graze in fresher pastures.
Build a readership, of course! That's terribly important.
Just as important, however, is that you take good care of the readership you have built, because they are under no obligation to continue alongside you in your journey.
Happy writing! And to those of you who are beginning to return to me, I say: Thank you. Welcome back.
Play nice; share with others
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At first, I had a few theories as to why this second attempt at community storytelling came out of the womb with, shall we say, so little hair on it, and most of these theories (some of them originated within my own mind, and others of them proposed by fellow storytellers) centered around the story we had chosen to write...and around the inability of contributors to follow the prescribed path for the story. But then, I realized something else...
Ahhh, isn't self-realization (self-criticism?) grand.
I realized that I have lost much of my readership. No, not because I've been mean to anyone. Not because I've done anything blatantly wrong or stupid (well, okay, maybe stupid). But mostly, just because I disappeared.
You see, yesterday I posted a post about Writing What Drives You. When I wrote the post, I thought, "Hey, this is good stuff. This might really help someone." You know what? - maybe it will help someone. But first...well, someone has to read it!
A few months ago, when I was posting on Twitter several times a day and was writing three to four blog entries a week, people paid attention. If I posted a link on Twitter, directing readers to a blog post, I could expect a minimum of 100 hits in the next couple hours.
Yesterday, when I posted the link to this "blog post that might help someone," I had about 20 hits.
The crazy thing? - my following on Twitter has not dwindled in number. However, they have dwindled in cumulative interest.
This (thankfully - geesh!) leads me to my point.
Writers, you hear all the time how important it is for you to build an online presence, for you to gain a readership, for you to interact and teach and learn and grow. What you don't hear is this: When you build a readership, you have to keep it. Readers get in the habit of paying attention to certain people. For the people receiving this attention, the attention is a privilege. It is not a right! If you allow your readers to break their habit of paying attention to you, you have no one to blame but yourself when you realize they've begun to graze in fresher pastures.
Build a readership, of course! That's terribly important.
Just as important, however, is that you take good care of the readership you have built, because they are under no obligation to continue alongside you in your journey.
Happy writing! And to those of you who are beginning to return to me, I say: Thank you. Welcome back.
↓ ↓ ↓ Eat To Stay Alive ↓ ↓ ↓
Play nice; share with others
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